International Coalition for British Reparations: People of the World, it's Time to get Paid.

If you think our assessment of the British—that they're a bunch of unprincipled, pathetic halfwits incapable of passing ten minutes without drinking a pint of beer—is harsh and ungrounded, this news should put your concerns to rest: a beer festival in Herefordshire had to close its doors a day earlier than planned after thirsty festivalgoers drank all the beer. That's right, even a festival couldn't hold enough kegs of beer to satisfy the British.

Festival organizer, Mark Haslam, was left dumbfounded, saying, "There were a number of young people here." Yes, and we all know how much young Britons like to drink. There's a thing called restraint, and the British seem to be lacking this trait. Brewers put a lot of hard work into crafting a fine beer. It takes weeks and even months for a single batch to be ready for consumption. Throughout this time, the brewer must closely monitor the conditions around the beer to keep it from spoiling. A festival is a place to taste the fruits of the brewer's diligent labor, not chug it.

So the next time you think our claims of British debauchery are exaggerated, remember the time those Britons drank the beer festival dry.

Customers Force Beer Festival To End A Day Early After Drinking All The Beer

YES, I WOULD LIKE TO SIGN THE PETITION AND GET PAID!