Philadelphia, PA —- June 26, 2008
In yet another move that further debases British cultural values, the British government has banned Martha Stewart from entering Great Britain because she is an ex-convict. Despite many years of unwarranted devotion to helping British subjects improve their cultural lot in life, Martha will no longer be able to continue “civilizing” a culture known for horrendous dental care, pervasive body odor, and exceptionally bland food. The writing on the wall is clear: the British government does not want its subjects to be enlightened by the New World ethos. Rather, the crown and its puppet government would rather keep its subjects under the dark shadow of supposed cultural superiority, continuing to spin the myriad web of propagandas lies it has been spewing since it ascended to the throne of global domination through its imperialistic subjugation of the world’s citizens.