England Perpetuates Its European Dominance Through Linguistic Tyranny
Philadelphia, PA – September 5, 2007
Surprise. England is still trying to maintain superiority over the rest of Europe despite the demise of its empire over 50 years ago and numerous alliances, unions, and joint ventures between itself and the Continent. It seems Britain has championed the use of its native language in the ever expanding European Union to the point of utter superiority over Europe’s most popular other languages, French and German. As reported in a July issue of The Economist, England’s mastery of its own native language leads to far more than semantic dominance at various business and diplomatic negations; the weasely Brits actually cheat their neighbors out of money. Swiss economist François Grin estimates that the British take home billions of euros in hidden transfers shrouded in contractual semantics.
Common Continent! Where is your revolutionary spirit? Refuse to do business in English and put those imperialist bastards in their place. Look at us colonies; we might speak English (we really didn’t have too much choice in the matter) but we refuse to use British English. It didn’t take long after we sent those Redcoats packing for us to start saying WEEKend instead of weekEND and take the u out of color. We also like to pronounce aluminum as one word, much like its written, and we came up with Merriam-Webster to challenge those Oxford snobs. So France and Germany, take some inspiration from us, we’ve been refusing to take-it-in-the-rear British style for over 250 years.
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