International Coalition for British Reparations: People of the World, it's Time to get Paid.

Four 1/4lb beef patties, 12 onion rings, eight rashers of bacon, eight slices of cheese, two lettuce leaves, six slices of tomato, four slices of onion, BBQ sauce, mayonnaise, and four hamburger buns make up the Super Scooby—England's fattiest hamburger. At 2,645 calories, the burger exceeds the recommended calorie intake for men by 145 calories.

The Jolly Fryer is the establishment responsible for this disaster, which costs £10*. Many have tried to finish it, but none have succeeded. Because of this, Jolly Fryer owner, Nick Lomvardos, is offering a very special prize to the one worthy challenger who can down the entire burger in one sitting--a can of diet coke.

That's right, if you willingly subject yourself to 2,645 calories in a 20-minute span, you'll get 12 ounces of diet soda. FOR FREE! That's quite a prize, one that has eluded 22-year-old Luigi Armato ever since the burger was introduced.

"I eat a Super Scooby about once a week and I feel fine. I really enjoy eating them," said Luigi, adding, "I also like it because it's a real challenge to finish and you have to be a real man to eat one. They're delicious and I don't care about the calories. I always think it's healthier than fast food burgers because they prepare it fresh into front you."

So what you're saying, Luigi, is that 2,645 of freshly-cooked calories are healthier than 2,645 of hastily-prepared, prepackaged calories? So are 100 pennies worth more than one one-dollar bill? Keep eating that Super Scooby, Luigi, it's making you real smart.

*Hospital bills not included

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Britons Drool Over 2,645 Calorie Burger

YES, I WOULD LIKE TO SIGN THE PETITION AND GET PAID!