International Coalition for British Reparations: People of the World, it's Time to get Paid.

Here in the States, we marvel at the possibilities the future holds: flying cars, teleportation gates, faster-than-light travel...the list goes on and on. While we wait for science to deliver on the promises of our dreams, starting today, Britons are living in the world of tomorrow. It's a very different future world from our own, mind you—no flying cars and such. No, theirs is a much simpler world. A world where a biscuit won't dissolve the instant it is dunked in tea.

This morning, a team of British scientists revealed they have developed such a cookie. Nicknamed the "Unsinkable Biscuit," it is made using sweet potatoes. You see, sweet potatoes hold their shape in the presence of liquid, thus keeping the cookie in one piece. The scientists are being honored as national heroes for taking a treat from science fiction novels and delivering it straight to Britons' porcelain saucers.

We're sure the biscuits will be a huge success, just like the last British-made modern marvel deemed "unsinkable."

For England, The Future Has Arrived: The Unsinkable Tea Biscuit

YES, I WOULD LIKE TO SIGN THE PETITION AND GET PAID!