International Coalition for British Reparations: People of the World, it's Time to get Paid.

If you're a poor and starving Briton, you may want to consider holding up a bank or three. Don't worry if you get caught, that's part of the plan. It'll take care of that pesky "starvation" part. You see, a police chief is trying to dissuade dangerous criminals from doing what they do best by personally delivering them cakes on their birthdays. The cakes, which are purchased from a supermarket, are accompanied by a card that reads:

"On your birthday we wish you well, we would hate to see you in a cell. Time to change your ways, go straight, if you don't, you know your fate."

For all the terrible (yet truthful) things we point out about England, it must be said that it's truly a wonderful place for criminals. One prisoner even said his stay in jail was "no stress, just rest." Then when you're released (or "checking out"), the prison ward hands you a questionnaire asking if you enjoyed your stay. Maybe England feels guilty for having murdered a bunch of Aborigines in order to make room to house their pesky hoodlums. Whatever the case, the facts remain the same, if you like breaking the law, England would be honored to have you around.

Police Chief Fights Crime By Delivering Birthday Cakes To Criminals

YES, I WOULD LIKE TO SIGN THE PETITION AND GET PAID!